It was like a scene in a movie:

In the morning we woke up, walked into the living room and saw the following scenario:

Balcony door wide open, cupboards emptied, backpacks and suitcases ransacked, MacBook gone, phone gone, money gone.

The feeling of rush and violence in the air.

And the feeling of helplessness, a bit overwhelm and sadness regarding my creations in form of texts, recorded videos and songs that I’ve created and that were gone as well.

After the first shock we took care of the practicalities and life went on.

It went on, but: different.

I´d like to mention that I was never a person that felt unsafe in the dark or at night. I travel the world since I’m 16/17, I lived in caves and on beaches, I slept innumerable times outdoors without a tent in nature, on mountain tops etc. and this was all great.

Now I experienced fear in an apartment.

I started having difficulties falling asleep and even while sleeping never being fully relaxed. The tiniest sound made me sit straight in bed. Always superalert like a cat that is always ready to fight or flight. Neuroception at its finest.

In daily life anxiety and insecurity also kicked in in several moments that were on the surface not at all related to darkness, falling asleep etc.

In a way really fascinating how the nervous system and our body intelligence works.

Looking back, I still learn so much from this first hand experience and it humbled me.

It made me become aware again how fragile and vulnerable I am despite all the resources and learnings along my life path so far.

It made me become aware again how much patience is needed when dealing with nervous system issues.

It made me become aware again that you really cannot talk yourself or push yourself into the experience of safety.

You cannot push a plant to grow faster.

It is the art of taking small steps.

When there is any kind of nervous system issue involved, methods like plant medicine, strong breath work and intense body shaking can absolutely re-traumatise your system.

Parts of the teachings in Yoga, meditation and non-duality that encourage you to zoom out and become the observer of your emotions or to become the nothingness behind the observer can absolutely re-traumatise your system. While you seem peaceful and balanced on the surface.

I experienced this.

And I see it now even more clearly happening in different ways in different (spiritual) communities.

There are luckily ways out. I’m very grateful that I rediscovered somatic experiencing. Its gentle approach not only helped me with the described experience, but simultaneously helped me in integrating old childhood wounds related to unsafety.

My ability to relate to people that were or are in similar experiences is much more awake now. And it encourages me to implement this topic even more into my offerings.

Feel warmly invited to reach out via DM if you feel the calling to do so.